Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
