bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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