The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
