She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
