She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
