The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
