so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
