There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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