dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
