I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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