This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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