Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
