so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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