I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
where are my eyebrows?
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