you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
