i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
