I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
