Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
