3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
