I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
