If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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