At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
