lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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