Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
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This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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