ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
