Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
