I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We're too hungover to prance.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
