I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
