Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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