Her vagina should come with caution tape.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
