now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A bitchslap is in order.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
