I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
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