My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
