Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
