shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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