its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
