you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Couch. On fire.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
