Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
