peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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