So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
