I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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