I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
