u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
