to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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