i was born a porn star she said
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
