i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
