Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
