It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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