I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
