Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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