Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
