My underwear smells like fireworks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
