he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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