I faked an abortion last night.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
