Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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