My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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