I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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