The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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