I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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