I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
