Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
