They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
