woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
