your thong is hanging out like whoa
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
