1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
