So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
