I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We got so high we made milksteak
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
